You type HITMAN into google, and find a range of possibilities. You are pretty skint at the moment so decide to go for the budget option. A gypsy in the north of England is advertising his jobs at £50 a time, or a cheeky blowy if you are pretty enough.

Unfortunately you are in Italy, so you decide the only option is to pay the cash. You think that he is a very modern gypsy to have not only a computer and internet access, but also a paypal account. This gives you a little bit more faith in him, although you are still worried that he might just take the money and fuck off.

Regardless of your worries, you get in touch and pay the cash which works out as $98.34 at today’s exchange rate. The reason you pay in US dollars is that your father aka Big Col helps you with this problems, since he never liked your boyfriend.

The money is transferred and you now just await confirmation of the job being completed, which is estimated to happen within the next 24hours.

While you wait you:

• Meet the hot boy who keeps asking you out and toast the end of your problem and the beginning of your new life
• Sit at home and masturbate